He sees, He knows... so why can't I relax?

I was reading a book that a friend wrote... you might know her, Shannon Ethridge.  It's a companion book to her book Completely His.  In Completely Loved, she takes small pieces and makes them easier to digest, since they are shorter.  In one of them she talks about God as our Witness... even if no one else does, He bears witness to our life from beginning to end.  She also talks about Hagar, Sarai's servant girl that she gave to be with Abram to bear a child (because she didn't believe that SHe would ever have one)...  well, when Hagar gets pregnant, she starts to treat Sarai badly and when Sarai complains to Abram, he tells her that since it is her servant girl, she may do whatever she wishes... so, she treats Hagar badly back!  ugh.  Well, Hagar is visited by an angel who tells her she must return to her mistress and submit to her.  AND he tells her that the son she is carrying will be a brat (my words) and be at odds with his brothers!  double ugh.  BUT, does Hagar take away the "I can't believe He's making me go back there" or the "why can't I have a good, calm mild-mannered, everyone-loves-him kind of son?"  NO!  The take-away for her is that God noticed her and saw her life and that she mattered enough to Him that He would speak to her!  That was all that mattered at that point.  Maybe she wished she hadn't afterward - maybe she had days where she wondered why God didn't give her more favor or "good fortune", but in that time she chose to focus on the fact that God noticed her...

God notices us!  Every mundane detail matters to Him... He KNOWS that we spend 75% of our life doing chores, getting tired and worn out in the process.  He KNOWS that we WANT to do more with our lives but just can't seem to find the right time or motivation to accomplish them and that life gets in the way.  He MADE our bodies to require rest and rejuvenation and even a bit of "selfish 'me' time" to ensure that we are at our best sometimes...

SO.  Why is it that I am finding it hard to trust that He really IS working everything out for my good?  Isn't it easier to tell others that He is working things out for THEIR good than to believe that He really does that for ME?

I just think through this whole house mess and I KNOW that I KNOW that I KNOW that He called us to this new journey.  I might have to go back to certain moments where He spoke to me clearly, but they are there and it is really really real, this move and church plant thing.  When I get discouraged or frustrated, thinking "what are we doing? Are we really following God, or are we making all of this up?" I go back and read the promises He gave me when I had a weekend to just listen to His voice and to the confirmations he gave us when Kevin went to the last Vineyard Pastors' Convention.  It's all there.  Maybe He doesn't show His hand every day in a way that makes my skin shiver, but He has made it clear.

How do I get my heart to truly rest in the knowledge that He sees, knows, cares and has called - and still deal with the details of everyday life, knowing I have so many things to take care of and have to blindly make decisions because I can't always understand the whispers of His still, small voice? (which leads itself to another topic for another day... fun stuff!)  I second-guess every decision, wondering if I/we are making the right/best choice.  SO MANY QUESTIONS without answers!  But, today, I choose to rest.  I'm not often able to do that.